1) AVENGED FAMILY
2) IMMEDIATELY PARTY
“And an ocean can swallow you, even when you can swim.”
—
Bennett Madison
When you work at Lush and customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese
this happens way more frequently than you think, i assure you
Well if you frickers stopped literally presenting soap as deli food maybe it wouldnt happen?
who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese
who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese
affdhbdfjojvtij im goNNA CRY
JELLYFISH IN SPANISH IS JUST “BAD WATER”
Listen, sometimes you’re swimming and you dont see the angry ocean ghost zap you, so you decide that its the water that hurts
human brain: sometimes we need to do boring things with no gratification or immediate benefit
monkey brain: absolutely not. die
Human brain: ok what if we eat chips while we do the boring thing
monkey brain: I’m suspicious but keep talking
since we’re on the subject of james acaster, this is hands down the funniest joke in repertoire and it gets me every single fuckin time and i can’t even explain why it’s so funny
I’m just a dumb bitch… standing in front of a romcom… asking it to fill the void in my life with somewhat unattainable representations of romantic love
